She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
