evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
