i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
