In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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