Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
