wrigley field is MILF paradise
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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