And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
