who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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