I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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