I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The struggles of a small town man whore
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
