dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
