i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
