I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Barsexuality is the new black.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I understand Curling. That high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
