I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
