I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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