So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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