Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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