dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
