Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
