Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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