Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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