I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
