I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
