There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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