Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
