I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
