and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
