I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am one with the molecules
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
