I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
