I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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