Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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