im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
