Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
