I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
