There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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