Where is the hickey?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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