Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
