I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
