All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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