dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
