I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
