Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
