How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
