ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
