Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
