I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
