Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
