the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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