i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am one with the molecules
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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