you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
