Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
