in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This house was built for laser tag.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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