OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
